I have a habit of seeing the perverse in all things totally vanilla (like these ball sack and bikini line bags spotted in December of last year.) But, I was tickled all shades of pink when I saw this intentionally perverse bag by UK-based Andy Bates (made especially for one very lovely, albeit wildly eccentric, Grayson Perry). Not only did he manage to make something as unattractive as hairy testicles look surprisingly haute couture, he managed to add whimsy (namely the flower-shaped anus and silver Prince Albert bell) to make this my new favorite bag -- not that I have the balls to actually carry one around myself ;)
Scrotal Sack: The New "It" Bag
See You In September!
No surprise to long time readers. I'm going through a divorce and trying to get my ass back in gear. Starting over can be soul crushing, but it's also an opportunity to clean out your closets to make room for new and exciting things (literally and figuratively!)
xoxo
Jill
Valentino's Deep Sea Dance
Photo: Fred Hsu, Monterey Bay AquariumI'm not generally a fan of Valentino's overtly gaudy creations, but watching the models float down the runway at his F/W 2010 show was like spending the afternoon at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Each semi-transparent, airy design with rippled, vertical frill glided with fluid movement, reminiscent of the expanding and contracting motions of the majestic sea nettle. These graceful phantom-like creatures are ocean vagabonds, drifting weightlessly with the currents and tides. While structurally simple, they are radially symmetrical with ribbon-like tentacles and lacy, pointed oral arms that spiral out. And, while the sea nettle may be a sight to behold, I can only imagine how a Valentino gown feels to wear. (Probably a lot nicer than floating in one, you think?)
images: flickr.com, coutorture.com
Flag Hags
F/W 2010, Melbourne Fashion FestivalDon't feel like you have to send Sarah Palin any more hate mail than you already do. Believe it or not, the American flag-inspired trend has been slowly creeping it's way into couture without any help from the Republic Party. But don't thank Gaga. (If anyone, thank Catherine Malandrino for this creation launched in 2009 that -- unfortunately -- showed up on one too many red carpets.) Actually, don't thank anyone in fashion at all. Thank Obama.
A recent Pew Research Poll shows that the image of the United States has "improved markedly in most parts of the world," largely because of the high levels of global confidence and trust in Obama. Guess a little positive world view found its ways into the hearts and minds of popular culture. So, ladies. Turn on some Keith Olbermann, warm up some good old American apple pie, and relax wearing nothing but that flag in the attic you've been dying to wear. (Oh, and if you spot any guys wearing one of these or a pair of these, smack them upside the head for me!)
Ke$sha, Saturday Night Live
Beyonce, "Telephone" video
Kat Von D
Lady Gaga, "Telephone" video
Peaches Geldof
Giuseppe Zanotti American Flag Heels
Converse Chucks Stars & Stripes Hi-Top Sneak
American Flag Ring (top left) ~ American Flag Ring (top right)Silver Flag Ring by King Baby ~ American Flag Ring (bottom right)
Forzieri US Flag Crystal Jeweled Heart Clutch
Goddiya Sequined American Flag Dress
JC de Castelbajac American Flag Clutch ~ Top Shop Flag Print Hotpants
Lulu Guinness American Flag Lip Clutch
Moschino American Sequined String BikiniWedge Welly Starlight Rain Boot
HUF Star pack Footwear Collection
Pamela Mann Miss America Print TightsAmerican Flag Print Tights by Luxury Divas
The Jerk - NSFW
We've all known at least one in our lives. An insolent child who, through sheer genius or cosmic intervention, gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar and argues his case with such brazen arrogance, we find ourselves laughing instead of sending him for a "time out." His twisted charisma amuses us, and we find that it's easier to turn a blind eye because we get something in return -- a chance to momentarily share in his casual disrespect, unrestrained by convention. Then, just as the fascination begins to wear off, the tide shifts and we find ourselves on the receiving end of his song and dance. Impoliteness turns into audacity, sassiness into impudence, and we're left staring in the mirror - dumbstruck - asking, "what the fuck was I thinking?"
"I could pull my penis out right now, and I guarantee you no one would be offended." Terry Richardson
Terry Richardson is fashion's insolent child, still acting out from his admittedly unresolved catastrophic childhood. An artist who, through the distorted lens of his camera, has created a world wrought with titillation and mayhem that engrosses -- sometimes even paralyzes -- those watching from the sidelines. We feel sorry for him and hold him to the standards of a ten year old boy. The only problem is, he isn't ten. He's a very adult, highly sought after fashion photographer with access to young, career-hungry models afraid to say no. Pair this with his cunning and gross oversimplification of right and wrong as it relates to professional ethics, and you have a recipe for disaster staring you point blank in the face. (Replace "pull my finger" with "yank my wang" here.)
"At first, I'd just want to do a few nude shots, so I'd take off my clothes, too. I'd even give the camera to the model and get her to shoot me for a while. It's about creating a vibe, getting people relaxed and excited. When that happens,' he adds, grinning his goofy, adolescent grin, 'you can do anything." - Terry Richardson
So, how is it that he continues to act out without so much as a slap on the hand? Because he's part of the larger social scene -- the fashion elite -- who have no interest in losing their cool club status. They'll shrug it off, even when it turns their stomachs, because they don't want to tattle on their high profile friend. That's what being cool has become. The ability to keep ones place in the pecking order, no matter how many chickens lose an eye because one silly cock is hell bent on having his way. Sorry, peeps. It's time to shake the rug clean. Uncool is the new cool if it means assholes will be forced to use their super powers for good. And if you think I'm blowing smoke, be my guest. It simply means you're not ready to give up your varsity jacket for a spot on the debate team. So, before I sign off, just a few words to Terry. Yes, we know you have an enormous penis. Yes, we know you have loads of talent in that noggin. And yes, we know you can afford a lifetime of therapy, so no excuses. Step away from the teenage waifs and nobody gets hurt.
"Maybe it's the psychological thing that I was a shy kid, and now I'm this powerful guy with his boner, dominating all these girls." Terry Richardson
(P.S. Why am I writing this now? I actually wrote it last month when the whole Richardson scandal hit the net. Unfortunately, I was supposed to be on break from TDLC, so I tucked it away until now. Besides, it's not like we've seen the last of him. Did I mention he likes to choke cats?)
Wearing Kate Moss Out
Who knew skinny bitches could make such excellent accessories? Thanks to Spell Design, now you know! And even though the space between her legs sadly translated into something akin to an adult diaper, I'd probably still wear it. (BTW, if the Courtney Love + Kate Moss past affair rumors are true, does that mean a "2 coke heads, 1 cup" necklace is in the works? Hell, who am I kidding? I'd be happy with a laser cut profile pendant of Love eating a scone.)
Snorkin' It
We live in an age of equal opportunity. What's good for the gander is, well ... good for the goose. Eyeliner? Check. Handbags? Check. Platform heels? Check. Crotchless panties? Check. Um, wait. Uncheck that one. You see, going "crotchless" to a woman means just that. Without a crotch. But these "crotchless" contraptions for men are more like crotch extensions. Like a little snuggy for the twig and berries to prevent unnecessary chafing. (For those of you who watched cartoons in the 80's, these are slightly reminiscent of the Snorks, just with larger, more strategically placed packages.) Just a note to the guys -- if you can't fill these out, take a pass. Otherwise, you'll just look like you're giving birth to a baby turtle.
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