Some Like It Hot. Everyone Else Likes Lindsay Lohan.

Not only does Lindsay lack the luscious curves and milky white skin to pull of her recent Marilyn-esque photo shoot, she’s also got the personality of a pickled egg to harden her would-be soft edges. If I had my druthers, I would have cast Lindsay in some Marilyn Monroe parodies instead. (Because there’s nothing funnier than a Hollywood brat trying to act like she’s got an ounce of sex appeal.) Try these Marilyn parodies on for size:

The Seventeen Year Itch: Lindsay spends her formative years struggling to find a cure to her 'fire crotch' problem.

There's No Business Like Showing Your Business: Desperate for attention, Lindsay spends her evenings and weekends flashing her newly-waxed crotch at cameramen while getting in and out of Paddy Wagons.

Gentlemen Prefer Blands: With her bad attitude making it nearly impossible for men to find her attractive, Lindsay opts for a frontal lobotomy in order to find true love.

Liver Of No Return: After years of heavy partying, Lindsay's liver files for legal separation citing irreconcilable differences.

The Prince and The Ho Bag: Lindsay gets caught with her pants down with the butler, the chef, and the gardener while shooting a film on location at Buckingham Palace.

The Hissfits: Driven to get her way (even when she knows she doesn't deserve it), Lindsay sets out on a mission to throw as many temper tantrums as possible in a 24 hour period.