I would have to say that my #1 least favorite body part is my larger-than-life ass. It has never possessed the round symmetry or smooth contours of a certain Armenian femme fatale. And, with each day that passes, I become increasingly distressed that the 'Swedish Dimply Ass' and 'Russian Wide Load' have yet to gain the notoriety of the 'Brazilian Bubble Butt.' (Thank you for that, Ms. Jennifer Lopez. Did I mention that I hate you?)
I have admittedly spent the entire summer stuffing my face with dark chocolate (Alegio's 80% to be exact) and key lime ice cream in lieu of buckling down with my Buns of Steel DVD. And, as one might extrapolate from the aforementioned self-gorging activities, the cheekage has fallen prey to that thing called gravity. (Amazing how a few extra pounds of flesh will do that!)
Lucky for me, I can skip the Brazilian Butt Lift and go straight to the panty aisle. (Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: "If you can't beat 'em, fake them the hell out!" Take that, Spencer Morgan.) Here are my top five end-of-yet-another-lazy-ass-summer garments to keep my spirits (and my butt cheeks) afloat. (Okay, fine. So I'm not actually going to buy one. I just thought you might get a kick out of them!)
My Butt Could Use a Lift
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10 comments:
You are MUCH too harsh re: your perceived flaws, Ms TDLC. Fanny lifts have limited shelf life!
I wonder how comfortable those things are? Cause I am not very well endowed in the booty area, id love one of those.
I'm too afraid to try any of these contraptions!
This post is great. Tres amusant and practical! OK, I actually want to try all of these, esp. the strappy thing - it appeals to me in some truly architectural way and, seriously, if it lifts my ass up a la jlo, I am so all over it.
Not exactly low maintenance :-)
hmm, do they work out your butt too??
lol I have no desire to make my already large bubble butt look any bigger than it is. However, I can see how they would make women's butts look a bit uh...perkier I guess.
All of these butt lifters look painful, especially the 'Double-O Panty Push-Up Thong' and the 'Butt Booster Derriere Bubble Bands'. I'm just going to deal with my sometimes flat sometimes not butt until a more comfortable option presents itself!
jockstraps for chicks...trend where do you find this stuff?
ha! i just wonder how supportive and lift lace can be?
I prefer the butt lifters that look like boy shorts.. they make my flat butt look round and are really comfortable.. I tried Butt For You Inc. , they make women's boyshorts... I found the other brands too uncomfortable.
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