Goodbye, Sarah "Pancake" Palin

Painting by Dan Lacey

Oh, Sarah "Pancake" Palin, you sweet batter cooked on a hot griddle. What are we going to do without your runny batter? In the final days as McCain's 'maverick sidekick,' your syrupy-sweet charm began to reveal the dark spots where the bubbles used to be. In fact, your batter became so runny, even sprinkling you with powdered sugar couldn't sweeten the deal.



In reality, it turns out that you're not the home-town griddle cake the Republican party made you out to be. Instead, you're about as American as French crêpes, according to the call you unwittingly scheduled, and then took, from a Canadian comedian posing as the president of France (without bothering to inform your own party, who would've saved you from the embarrassment.)



Yes, America was the first country to put a "pancake" man on the moon. But that doesn't mean we wanted a "pancake" maverick in the White House. Why, you ask? Because, even with all it's bells and whistles, the cost of the suit worn by the man on the moon paled in comparison to your $150,000 wardrobe (which, as it turns out, wasn't exactly sanctioned by the Republican Party.)

Painting by Dan Lacey

You see, the advisers of the McCain campaign are incredulous about your shopping spree and are now saying the Republican National Committee lawyers are likely to go to Alaska to conduct an inventory to account for all of your "expenditures." (It turns out the budget for your clothes was anticipated to be less than $25,000, according to Nicolle Wallace, a senior McCain aide.) Shocking, considering your "soccer mom" persona and small town values.

It would also appear that Joe the "pancake" plumber (who isn’t technically a plumber) is about as two-faced as a buttermilk flapjack. On Wednesday's The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, he was quoted as saying, "Hey, the American people spoke. They elected Barack Obama as our president and our new Commander in Chief, and I’m behind that 100 percent." How's that for "shooting from the cuff," Ms. Maverick? Or is that Ms. Rogue Pancake?

Painting by Dan Lacey

You see, Sarah "Pancake" Palin, it turns out that what America wanted wasn't the bubbly sweetness of a pancake, or even the lacy fried edges of a French crêpe. In fact, we're shocked that you turned your back on your "soccer mom" persona in favor of negative campaign tactics and an inflated ego. Such a shame, Sarah. Because, at the end of the day, it's Obama that's eating a huge slice of victory pie. Because, for what it's worth, the saying is "as American as apple pie," not "As American as syrupy-sweet pancakes."