Kung Fu Zero

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So, what do they boys from VH1's "Tool Academy" do when their 15 minutes of fame is up? Well, Shawn Southern (A.K.A. "Loud Mouth Tool") is trying to capitalize on his douche-bagginess with a fashion line entitled Kung Fu Hero (inspired by his infamous happy trail tattoo). But if his failed attempt at creating anything remotely interesting doesn't make you gassy, it gets better -- HE WRITES HIS OWN COPY. No, really. See if you can spot the typo's...

Skull Boxer Brief - $16.99

"They are perfect athletic underwear and ad are sexy when your girl take your pants off after a game. They are also unique with their own design that takes your pants off their own design. The best part about these underwear is that thet have a hiddn inner condom pocket to assure safety and James Bond like suave with the girls check meaning of suave."

Um, yeah. Do us a favor and keep your pants on.


Then there's this gem. No description required (probably because he was too hung over to care or had already exhausted his words-over-five-letters-long quota for the year?) In any event, I have an answer: "Your 15 minutes, Shawn. That's what's up, Bro!!!" Seriously, I'm carrying a lethal can of Easy Cheese in my purse just in case I run into somebody wearing one of them.

Bro Tee - $14.99

Of course, no fashion line would be complete without a "unique, limited edition" shirt -- this one created by Shawn himself. (I'm assuming he's the artist, not the seamstress.) Sadly, only 100 of these are available, a term I use loosely as it should be obvious that these puppies aren't moving very fast. Yes, they're still available -- probably 98 of them -- and will most likely remain available, unless Shawn wears every last one of them in a desperate attempt to self promote.

Technological Suicide Shirt - $24.99

Shameless (?) self-promotion during TheMaleRoom.tv interview

But who can really hate on a guy who's motto is, "When life throws sand, swallow it...light your ass on fire, and shit proper glass art, including a 6 foot bong." Well, okay. Maybe I can. But at least he's being realistic about his fashion prospects. Case in point: This cyber "Will Douche for Food" card on his MySpace page, complete with guy liner and exceptionally bad hair. (Not a good look Shawn. NOT. A. GOOD. LOOK.)